Questioning Skills

Inquisitiveness is an evolutionary instinct. Inquisitiveness and asking question is responsible for all the inventions surrounding us. Questions are the reason for knowledge. The fundamental of ancient Indian books of knowledge Upnishads is learning through asking question. The questions are very important, the questions which we ask to people we interact with and the questions that we ask in our minds. These questions form our attitude our behavior. They contribute significantly in charting the course of our career and life.

Questions have more power than answers, both the explicit ones while communicating and the implicit ones in thinking.

But before talking about right and wrong questions, lets is evaluate ourselves, do we ask questions? As child we are very inquisitive, asking questions constantly, but as we grow this question asking trait is systematically killed through the process of western education system, which is funnel shaped education, where the teacher pours the information in the funnel cup and the students are supposed to just sit at the other end of the funnel and continue storing the deposited information. No questions asked. We’ve come to believe that asking q question might be considered rude, intrusive, or inconsiderate. Sometimes, it’s the false image of “know all” that we don’t wish to break, by asking questions, we simply don’t want to appear “not to know”. This ultimately leads to an attribute getting ingrained in our attitude, called “Question Reluctance”. 

Most of us experience question reluctance in some form and at some times in our daily routine. Question reluctance behaviors usually represent an avoidance and / or discomfort with asking questions. As already discussed this was not always the case with us, as kids we all asked questions easily and naturally. Gradually as we grow old the system trains us in a certain manner and we develop the assumption that question interactions are inherently conflicted, rather than collaborative. This conclusion is unfortunate, because curiosity and questioning are the foundational drivers of learning, development, and change.

Marilee Goldberg Adams, Ph.D. in her book – “The Art of Questions” makes a very pertinent point – “We live in an answer-oriented, fix-it-quick world. IN the clamor for answers – sometimes any answer – we often overlook quiet distinctions and fresh perspectives that could reveal whole new world of possibility. Moreover, sometimes the conditioned hunt for answers represents an attachment to ‘knowing’ and a simultaneous avoidance of any anxiety associated with ‘not knowing’ or even appearing not to know. This is ironic as well as unfortunate, for often the most productive answers are born only after long periods of gestation and living with not knowing yet.”

A person with learning mindset, inquisitive mindset or as Dr. Marilee calls “The Inquiring Mindset” has a belief system, which is based on following principles –  

1.      Questions have more power than answers, both in thinking and communicating.

2.      Questions are first, than answers.

3.      Great results begin with great questions.

4.      Every question missed is an potential crisis waiting to happen.

5.      Solutions that are not strategic and thoughtful can cause even bigger problems.

6.      A genuine question is one to which the answer is not already known.

7.      Successful strategic thinking, information gathering, communication, collaboration, creativity, and change depend on quantity, quality and intensions of questions.

8.      Asking questions of oneself and others is the best defense against assumptions and blind sports that compromise relationships and results.

9.      Asking others constructive, quality questions brings out their best thinking, partnership, action and results.

10.  Quality listening is essential to the process of effective question asking.

11.  Mindset trumps questions.

12.  Whatever the situation, an active inquiring mindset is your best ally for successful and satisfying relationships and results.

The famous American author, speaker and body language expert Allen Pease speaks about the power of asking right question in his best seller book – Questions are the Answers talks about a strategy to asking right question to find out the “hot button” of prospects. And once you have access to that “hot button”, go ahead press it, and you have got your sale done.

Dr. Marilee while mentioning the ignorance and unawareness of power and potential of asking questions among common people says – “Despite the omnipresence of questions in our lives, few people are fully aware of the potential and power inherent in them. Perhaps this is because, somewhat like the wind, it is their effect, rather than the ir presence, which is often most conspicuous.”

Why do we need to ask question, or when do we need to ask questions? We ask questions primarily to

·       

             Gather information

·         Build and maintain relationships

·         Lear, teach and reflect

·         Think clearly, critically and strategically

·         Challenge assumptions

·         Listen to understand, verify, and clarify

·         Solve problems and make decisions

·         Negotiate and resolve conflicts

·         Set and accomplish goals

·         Take charge and focus attention.

·         Create and innovate – open new possibilities

·         Catalyze productive and accountable conversation and action.

Expertise with question asking always begins with the mindset of the individual asking the questions. The presumptions for asking questions would be that the questions are asked with a mindset which is open-minded, genuinely curious, desirous of learning, and intending a positive outcome for both parties. There are no absolute “rules” in question asking, since the best question must always factor in context, relationship and intention.

Before setting out to asking question – one needs to ask oneself

·         What do I want my question to accomplish?

·         What do I need to take into account when asking it?

·         What are my intentions? Are they positive?

·         What is the best way to ask this question?

·         Is this a good time to ask it?

·         Can we both win with this question?

·         Is there anything I should tell this person before I ask my question?

The general goal is to ask a question effectively, this means to acquire or convey the information necessary, or initiate some specific action, while maintaining respect and rapport with the other person.

You should show respect and honor to the person you are asking question, simply put, you should ask question of the other person as you would like to be questioned. Many a times we ask the question and the person doesn’t respond and when you persist he says – oh what were you asking? It’s very important that the person knows that he is being asked a question, you may precede your question with – “Sir, may I ask you a question” or “Would you like to answer”, The person would answer when he has allowed you to question and knows that you are seeking an answer.

If you are going someplace you sure need to know your way and your destination, even if you are not aware about the path, if you know your destination you will find your way by asking questions, but if you don’t know where you wish to go, no one can ever help you. Therefore, you should be very clear what do you wish to know. You should be ready with your questions before you seek the person’s permission to ask questions, looking for questions when the person is ready to answer is never a good thing to do.

Its also important to find out if the person is free and willing to answer your question, its always good to ask – Sir do you have time? I need to ask few questions. When you know your questions you would also be able to know the approximate duration you want that person’s attention. Hence, if he asks, how much time you would take? You can answer; else if you are not sure about your question you can only hazard a wild guess, which is never a right thing to do in such situations.

After asking question you should give the person time to respond, and wait till he has finished speaking, don’t cut midways and shoot another question. You should know that the prime time TV is not the place to learn question asking skills.

You should also listen carefully to both verbal and non-verbal response, sometimes non-verbal response tell you more than what the verbal response do. If you are observant enough you can accordingly change your question or strategy to ask question to get the desired response.

It is part of communication antiquate to thank the person, after he has answered your questions. If possible, it’s also a good idea to tell the person what you have understood by repeating his answers to him, this will communicate that you were attentive and would also give you a chance to correct if there was any gap in understanding the response.

We shall discuss more about Questioning skills in my future posts.