Your communication with
people is only effective if your communication is received by the person with
whom you intend to communicate. People would listen to you, if they think
listening to you would give them some benefit.
When you are talking to
people, pick out the most interesting subject in the world to them to talk about?
Themselves.
When you talk to them about themselves
they will be deeply interested and utterly fascinated. They will think well of
you for doing this.
When you talk to people
about themselves, you are rubbing them the right way. You are working with
human nature. When you talk to people about yourself, you are rubbing people
the wrong way and working against human nature.
Take these four words out of
your vocabulary – “I, me, my, mine” for those four words, substitute one word,
the most powerful word spoken by the human tongue – “you”.
So when talking to others,
talk about them, and get them talking about themselves.
So to be skilful in human
relations, be sure to make people feel important. Remember that the more
important you make people feel, the more they will respond to you.
Refusal to listen to people
is just about the surest way of making them feel unimportant and of rating them
as a nobody.
Make appreciation a habit;
train yourself to look for qualities and positive traits in people. Whenever
you find opportunity yo should applaud and compliment them.
Listening to them is just
about the best way of making them feel important. Just about the single most important step you
can take to be skilful in human relations is for you to master the art of being
agreeable. Being agreeable doesn’t make
you small, but it gives you power as you disarm the other person by being
agreeable. Never forget that any fool
can disagree with people. It takes a wise man, a big man to agree –
particularly when the other person is wrong. By being agreeable you get an
inroad in their thoughts and if you have right logic you can modify the person’s
view. As Stephen Covey has said “First seek to understand before being
understood”
Being agreeable is an
attitude a frame of mind one can train oneself to be in and become a naturally agreeable
person. An agreeable person is an accessible person as he gives confidence to
others that his ideas and thoughts are acceptable to him, and even when you
convince the person otherwise about his concepts, you still have his trust and
respect because you gave it first to him.
You are agreeable needs to be
communicated to the person, through words or action or body language. Nodding,
holding hand, friendly smile are some of the gestures which help you to reach
out to the person’s heart and mind. Nod
your head “yes “and look at them when you do it and say to them – “I agree with
you”, or “You are right”.
Do not tell people when you
disagree with them unless it is absolutely necessary. No, it is not being
dishonest, as not disagreeing doesn’t mean you agree. It is not being manipulative
as you might think, it is being skilful. You can say – I respect your point of
you, or you have right to have your opinion.
Admit when you are wrong,
whenever you are wrong, accept it and say out
- “I made a mistake”, “I was wrong”. This adds power to you, and helps
building trust. Arguing is waste of time, drain of energy. Arguing is just a repartee
it can go on endlessly without reaching anywhere. Arguing is a maze full of
thorns, easy to get in but difficult to get of it without being bruised. You still find some compulsive fighters
around you, they would like to pick a fight, fight gives them power and energy,
the only logical and sensible thing, while dealing with them, is don’t provide
them fuel. The best technique to handle
them is to refuse to fight with them. They will sputter, fume and then look
silly.
Being agreeable is
beneficial socially and also has dividend in your professional life, because
people like those who agree with them, people dislike those who disagree with
them and people don’t like being disagreed with.
Agree and disarm, Agree your way to success.
Best of Luck


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